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The participation-trophy crisis decried by America’s hack comedians throughout the 1990s was always more than a little overblown.
For one, children weren’t the ones producing, purchasing and presenting the trophies. For another, there’s nothing wrong with giving a kid a memento to represent a season of little league, rec soccer or YMCA basketball.
Still, after a certain point, yeah, we should all outgrow a desire to be praised just for showing up. Attaboys and bravos at work should be reserved for actual achievements. For everything else? Don Draper had the right idea.
Despite his nods toward evangelicals, Donald Trump clearly didn’t grow up Protestant. If he did, he’d have a voice in his head that makes him feel shame for unearned praise. Since he doesn’t have this, and does have a tendency to lop off heads whenever his favorability ratings drop low enough, there’s an obvious solution to any crisis in the White House: Give Trump an award.
As a partial government shutdown gums up America’s airports and the war with Iran sends gas prices skyrocketing, House Speaker Mike Johnson knows just what to do. He awarded Trump a golden eagle statue he called the “America First” award on Wednesday.
“We will honor him with a new award,” Johnson explained. “He is the first ever recipient of the ‘America First’ award. That is this beautiful golden statue here, appropriate for the golden era.”
Johnson’s statuette, coming after FIFA gifted Trump a nonsense award and the president pressured actual Nobel Peace Prize laureate Maria Corina Machado to give him her plaque is just a few steps away from the premise of a recent “Saturday Night Live” sketch. In that clip, Trump’s cronies throw a Trump-themed award show, handing him award after award to keep his mind off the headlines.
“I love me, I really love me. I have so few people to thank,” James Austin Johnson’s Trump said in the sketch. “There is so much horrible stuff going on in our country and the world right now. But I promise you — I’m just getting started.”
Outside of Johnson, lawmakers were less than impressed by Trump’s win. Rep. Kathy Castor, D-Fla., called the award “out of touch.” Rep. Nanette Barragán, D-Calif., shared even harsher words.
“Instead of working with [Democrats] to pay TSA, FEMA, and Coast Guard, Speaker Johnson is giving fake awards to Donald Trump,” she wrote on X. “Do your job and stop kissing a$$.”
What do you think? Could Dems use Trump’s lust for hardware against him? Is there any room in the Trump White House for more gold? Sound off in the comments.
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