Donald Trump keeps tossing up “hospital balls”

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The Lago Leap

It’s not discussed as often as the reality-warping effect of 24-hour news channels, but round-the-clock sports networks need to fill up the same amount of airtime as your CNNs and Newsmaxes. They do this in the same way, by making a stone soup out of meager scraps of information and crafting narratives where there aren’t any.

Every once in a while, in the same manner as those proverbial monkeys pecking out “King Lear,” professional take-havers land on an idea that pegs a heretofore unexplained concept.

Think “Mickey Mouse rings” to describe a fraudulent championship or “garbage time” to describe the meaningless minutes at the end of a blowout. These phrases cropped up out of endless chatter and stuck around because they look good on a chyron. The dictionary of sports cliches grew by one entry recently, a phrase that TV talkers, podcasters and social media day-after breakdown posters have wasted no time running into the ground: hospital ball.

For the people who (rightfully) can’t stomach what professional football does to the bodies and brains of the men who play it, here’s a brief primer: a “hospital ball” is a high pass to a wide receiver over the middle of the field. Receivers on the end of “hospital balls” are typically running a diagonal route known as a “slant.” The route and their own momentum carry them toward defenders who are crashing down toward the ball in the opposite direction. The height of the pass forces the receiver to reach up over their head to make the catch. Since football plays end in tackles, this quickly turns into a “trains leaving New York City and Albuquerque”-style physics problem with the answer written out on the unfortunate receiver’s exposed ribs.

Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Trevor Lawrence is known among the chattering classes as a frequent tosser of “hospital balls.” The knock on the former first-overall draft pick’s game floated into the national spotlight after a close game against the Cincinnati Bengals, where star wide receiver Bryan Thomas, Jr. cringed away from contact on several passes that would have likely ended in a punishing tackle. Like most hastily crafted analyses (*ahem*), the assessment isn’t entirely fair.

Advanced stats show that Lawrence can drop absolute dimes into his receivers’ waiting hands. A deeper look at the tape shows that Thomas shied away from catchable passes regardless of defenders’ proximity all game. Why trot out a new cliche when an old one will do? Thomas had “the yips.”

On first glance, Donald Trump and Lawrence have very little in common. They’re both Florida men whose personal brands center around their notable gold locks, but it’s remarkably hard to look at the 79-year-old president and think about gridiron football. Still, if anyone deserves the reputation for hanging their compatriots out to dry, it’s Trump.

The Trump-Epstein saga has been one long drive of Trump tossing up dangerous lobs and his sycophants jumping to grab them. When he painted their easily verifiable friendship as a “hoax,” Karoline Leavitt leapt while the White House Press Corps lowered the crowns of their helmets. When he spent an entire campaign touting the release of the Epstein files, Kash Patel turned his back on the defense and went airborne. Like the quarterback, Teflon Don can quickly move on from his questionable decision. The people who have trounced on the Constitution for him, trotted out refutable lies or outright broken the law are left writhing on the ground.

That’s not going to stop Trump from heaving it downfield. After all, if his cronies manage to keep their hands on the ball while being absolutely obliterated in the press, in the public opinion polls, in court and in Congress, they might just score some points.

John Roberts’ reputation is in tatters, but Trump gets to unleash the American Gestapo. Patel and Leavitt might look like absolute fools, but crackdowns on political opposition are in the works. Trump’s attorneys might not be able to work outside of the administration after filing frivolous lawsuit after frivolous lawsuit, but Kimmel’s off the air and Colbert’s on the way out.

No matter what the oddsmakers and consultants tell you, sports and politics are unpredictable. That’s largely what makes them interesting. Though he might have earned a rep for wreckage, Trump’s second term proves that hucking it up and hoping still works.

What do you think? Will there come a time when Trump’s cronies will stop jumping into the meat grinder for him? Will the opposition ever figure out a good defense against Trump’s ever-shifting game plan? Sound off in the comments.

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